Dieting Sucks

So, when I couldn't get down from 170 lbs. I was devistated. I heard about the HCG diet and it was sort of exciting to listen to. 28-48 days (choose one), HCG (pregnancy hormone) and 500 calories a day of proteins and fruits/veggies. Loosing up to 3 lbs a day. Sounded awesome to me, and very doable.

I signed up. And started with enthusiasm.

So far, I've lost 15 lbs, it's day 10 today and I just couldn't get past the 500 calorie thing today. Maybe the HCG didn't quite work this morning for some reason. I was going mad. Didn't cheat off the diet, but boy did I ever want to. Didn't do it. My friend ended up stopping by and she's been trying so hard to loose weight for a year and is stalled. She asked for advice and we went to the store to read labels on food and talk about her calorie ins and outs. Exhausting, to be honest. I want to help her, and I probably will.

Good news? I'm in my size medium shirt and the medium pants are falling off my hips.

I'm onto cracking into the massive amount of editing that I need to do for the month of June and my poor friends on facebook might be wondering why I haven't responded to their inquiries through my inbox there. I'm just a mess.

Portrait of Hope is growing up, Rwanda trip is coming up and I can't think straight with keeping my details.

So onto that, and time to stop spouting at the fingertips.

Mom's here, gotta go. :)

So, she told me to start a blog.

I haven't journaled in a long time. Can't spell and that's distracting. Can't find time, and that's discouraging. Can't sleep and that's why I made it here.

It's a busy time here. Editing photos, trying to parent, doing an extreme diet, trying to find time for God and failing, planning a trip to Rwanda, dreaming and experiencing limits and often not living up to what I want to do or really should be doing.

Facebook is irritating me because I end up wasting hours a day just accessing it. So I'd rather use this as an outlet. I don't really intend to have this page looked at and viewed by the general public. I just want to look back and remember where I came from. So there's the intent, the hope and dream. At least the condensed version.

Welcome, everyone, to a useful space. Make yourselves at home.

I'm wondering about waking up in the morning and what it will be like to step on the scale. Having lost even a little more weight. My waist is still big, but I'm seeing the numbers go down a bit on that scale. It's been 9 days now on the HCG diet and I lost 13 lbs. I weight 156 today, I think. 125 is a dream and so far away. That wedding dress needs to be worn again. I love putting it back on again and again and again.

No more photo taking until saturday. I think I have about 25 folders of photos that need to be edited. Still no editor either. :( I'm growing weary. But hopeful that soon, this business will be in the hands of someone else. I LOVE being a photographer, but I first was a mother and a strong one in Jesus. I want to go back in a way.

It's time to turn in, nearly 1:30 am now. I want to cuddle my children and then sneak into bed. Good night out there. Whoever you are. :)

In anticipation,

joyous